1. Main character
Ok, this one was hard - as I have said over and over again I love all of the main characters of FS, some get on my nerves sometimes (yes even John and Aeryn...rarely but they do!) but overall I can't think of a TV programme whose main protagonists I have loved so comprehensively.
So this is really going to be about the one person who has the most ups and downs for me and that character is Zhaan. I was horrified at her in DNA Mad Scientiest - as a priestess and Pa'u that was not a good example to give, but we are all humans I guess (well in her case Delvian) so I let her away with it. Then I definitely felt impatience (if not partial rage) when she decided to retreat into the Seek when things got tough after Family Ties. That really got stuck in my gullet, she abandoned Chiana, Rygel, Pilot and Moya and selfishly chose the spiritual plane to hide in...seriously get over yourself Zhaan, especially considering that chronologically that actully happened after DALD when both Chiana and Rygel fought tooth and nail for her and Pilot and Moya waited patiently for her release (is that what happened in DALD?Because to be honest I have never been able to maintain concetration for the entire ep! :D)
Finally snorting definitely occurred on my part at her quite controversial moral stand in TWWW when she so callously passes judgement on Aeryn (ahem Zhaan, you participated in the cutting of Pilot''s arm, sunshine!) - not only that, she is so outraged at Aeryn following orders and killing a Pilot when she herself willingly killed her own lover? Nope, it doesn't fly with me.
Anyway, as we all know she also had a lot of redeeming qualities and ultimately she did show an enormous generosity of spirit, so her proposed alternate death is not really going to be cruel (well it depends on opinions....) but it is going to be more a reflection of something that always annoyed me no end and that is what John says to her before she dies: "Wait for the wheel Zhaan"
And right here is an example of how even John can actually make me angry: what the frell does "wait for the wheel" mean, John? Seriously how the frell would Zhaan know what you mean, John? And since it makes absolutely no sense unless you are your own grandmother who actually used to say it, you could have found something a little more profound and meaningful as your last words to her, don't you think John?
Anyway here is Zhaan waiting for the wheel and I suspect when it gets there, it's not going to be pleasant!
2. Minor female character - JENAVIAN CHATTO
I know, I know, you all expected that and you were right, I am absolutely boring in my continuous hatred of her but I think I might have thought up this entire challenge just to give her the death WE NEVER GOT in the series!
Why do I hate her? Even looking for the caps made me a little queasy and my captions pretty much express how I feel every time I see those scenes and yes, I know, I really should hate John more than Jena for this but I DON'T, there, I have said it, I HATE HER AND I LOVE HIM! I am totally irrational about it but I am a woman and therefore allowed to not make any sense when I feel like it, OKAY?
Hey, hold on, who's that in the lake? Am I seeing right? But, but, but, what about the dangerous nocturnal animals?
Oh no, no, no! My poor eyes! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!
DID THAT JUST REALLY FRELLING HAPPEN?!?
And this is how I envisage her death, which will not be mourned by me, most female scapers or I suspect even her own mother (evil grin)
(these are vampire bats which on the Royal Planet are carnivorous and enormous - this will not mean much to most people but it is an homage to my fellow 3WS players!)
3. Minor male character: Maldis
Again no surprises here from me but I would have felt like a hypocrite in choosing somebody else.
I absolutely detest both the character and the way the actor portrayed him in both the Maldis episodes - it is hammy acting at its worse and for me the character actually borders on being ridiculous rather than scary and menacing, which I suspect is how the writers intended it to be. And seriously WHAT is he wearing in the Old Black Magic? He looks like a white crested cockerel! Do you not believe me? Here is the proof!
Since that above image has stuck with me since my very first viewing, I thought that an apt end to this torturous character would be as a delicious chicken morsel, which Rygel's three stomachs will process, digest and eventually expel into one of Moya's waste funnels to finally end into space NEVER to be seen again!
( nebari_rebel actually came up with the name McMaldis when I was chatting to her and telling her I was making this manip, so I cannot take the credit for that! I thought it was perfect though, so I had to use it! Thanks Arevhat!)